I'm long overdue to vent some more, so let's get started. I've been wanting to mention my assessments of society's current sense of humor for a long time now, and even when I find that there are some people, such as Marzgurl [link] who agree with me upon the sorry state of things, I still feel I have to post an essay getting off of my chest how bad things have gotten.

To be very simple, I generally just don't like comedy cartoons these days, and no; it's not just because I'm an adult. I used to like comedy cartoons, I still like many of the older ones, and I still like cartoons not made for comedic purposes. It's merely in terms of humor where things have gotten low.

Now, I think comedy cartoons have always been hit-and-miss. I have held a consistant dislike for Loony Toons, no matter how popular it is with everyone else, and the aforementioned everyone else won't shut the fuck up about it to me, so I won't stress it much. I also have tried to watch the shows Steven Spielberg produced in the 1990s and again, I just don't get it; everybody else seems to love them, but I really just find them annoying and weird, but also again, I don't want to pick a fight I can't win over sacred cows.

But whereas if something isn't my cup of tea, I can decline to drink it, if something I can't avoid smells like a steaming cup of shit, well, the stink is innevitable and I can't block it out, so now I have to lash back at the shit, and I hope that nobody hates me enough from the last paragraph to stop reading up to here, because I think what I say is important, even if you don't agree. The state of humor cartoons today, like many things today, strikes me as a pathetically amateurish attempt at entertainment that expects to gain the respect of audiences out of grassroots charm alone.

Let's begin on TV. If you want to trace cartoon evolution, look at the way cartoons looked in the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s. In the first decade, you have cartoons that are formulaic in their approach--the 1980s are infamous and a subject of mockery for that--and so their art and themes were mostly true-to-life. The 1990s saw a bit of a departure from that, but it was an artistic sort. Shows like Dexter's Laboratory, for example, had incredibly deformed character designs, but they were deformed in methodical ways; they were caricatures designed to stress certain character traits. This parting with tradition was strictly visual, but it is my belief that it may have accelerated another process by changing the way people look at the way they made cartoons. Suddenly, the gloves were off, the people suddenly believed they didn't have to do what they thought they did to make cartoons; the given example was art direction, but I don't think they stopped there, instead deciding to proceed on all fronts with reckless abandon--and occasionally, their departure was not so methodical.

Grabbing at straws for new material, and a way to gain new audiences, Cartoon Network arm Williamsstreet grabbed up stock clips they owned and reedited them in new ways. This was a creative way to do things, and sometimes it made me laugh, but I don't believe Williamsstreet ever understood why their shtick was funny. All or most of Williamsstreet's humor, successful or failed, comes from their sheer tenacity at exploring anywhere and everywhere for potential gags, with a real tendency to dwell on toilet humor, sexual humor, drug reference, and anything else that seems naughty. (More on this later.) Space Ghost: Coast to Coast was funny (if pointless) most of the time, but the spin off, The Brak Show (both shows by that name) was an abomination. Never before then had I seen a show that felt so incompetent; I got the feeling the writers were just stumbling around into the weirdest territory they could, looking for the off-chance that they'd stumble through something funny. They didn't ever; humor doesn't work that way. Or does it?!

I said I'd never before seen a comedy so pitifully incompetent as The Brak Show but that wasn't the last time I saw one. Strangely, there seems to be a real demand spike that has kept Williamsstreet's shit factory running; we have new shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force gaining runaway popularity, and here again, it's just boggling to me how it does it. Maybe it's supposed to be funny if you're stoned, but I have one key defense: There used to be shows you didn't need drugs to find funny, so needing them for this is a mark of inferiority.

As near as I can tell, whatever Williamsstreet's appeal may be to average people, its own motivations stem from being the ultimate nadir of the unconventional approach to cartooning spawned in the 1990s, thoroughly tinged with the "We don't give a fuck about doing anything normal so you shouldn't either or you're a snob" mentality. Rather than firing on all four cylinders, they are cutting the emergency brakes, the result being a nonsensical and directionless romp through futility. This new infatuation with "random humor," which is becoming vocally hated by thinking writers on the Internet almost as fast as it became an obsession for the stupid majority here, is remarkable for its total misunderstanding of what either "random" or "humor" even means. I maintain my belief that humor that is nothing-but-random, even if funny, is the lowest and least talented comedy ever, but being somewhat random remains an important part of timing most jokes, so let's dwell on it a little.

Here's another supplement from TGWTG to prepare my point: [link]
For something to be random or humorous, it has to be abnormal. To use classical visual gags as a precedent, how funny do you think it would be to see somebody slip on a banana peel or ballbust himself by stepping on a rake/hoe/loose floorboard if you got a long, drawn-out shot of the object underfoot prior to seeing somebody step upon it? For that matter, have you ever really laughed at somebody slipping on a banana peel, now that it's a cliche that's probably at least a century old? My point, though not a new one, needs to be re-stressed here: Timing is the most important thing to comedy. Things won't be humorous or random without visibly setting themselves apart from conventional happenings surrounding them.

Williamsstreet usually doesn't get that. Their shows like ATHF have actually made unconventionality into a convention, coming full circle past their intended comic appeal. Nothing abnormal stands out as random or humorous in a show where nothing is normal to begin with; the very title makes no sense aside from one word. In fact, due to its normal abnormality, not only isn't ATHF funny to me, but it's actually one of the most boring shows I have ever watched. There are many episodes where, if I just close my eyes and ignore the way the characters appear, I get the feeling I could just be listening to any bunch of obnoxious suburban neighbors anywhere in America. Here's another blow against the supposed claim that ATHF is so random it's funny: NOTHING MUCH FUCKING HAPPENS, RANDOM OR OTHERWISE, IN MOST EPISODES! ATHF is mostly arguements in annoying voices; nothing even slightly interesting occurs to set it apart from average life, so maybe that's why they felt compelled to make their weird bits, things that may be potentially random, part of the constant flow of the show rather than involving them in scenes that were truly unexpected and humorous, because they don't have any such abrupt scenes. What you are left with is a fucking sitcom that the writers thought suddenly didn't need any jokes (not many situations either, for that matter), so they just made the characters look weird and hoped that would be enough.

But that's not the only reason I'm pissed as all fuck. I'm mad, yes, but I'd normally be no madder than I was at Teletubbies back in the 1990s. The real thing that gets me most mad is that while Aqua Teen Hunger Force makes about as much fucking sense as Teletubbies, and is maybe even less enjoyable, those bastards actually have the gall to stick it in a lineup marked as "Adult." I am twenty-four years old as of writing this, and thoroughly insulted by the implications of how our media defines "adults." Is everybody else my age just insane?! Am I just insane?! Are we all?! Well, no, I don't think we are. As with before, this stupidity, though it has found an audience for reasons I can't even begin to explain (Marijuana probably has something to do with it, though), has a cause I think I can. Just as with their interpretation of humor, Williamsstreet sees adulthood as being nothing but a sheer lack of restraint. They took their approach to cartoons, which was so no-holds barred that it fell right apart, and just went one further by removing all regard for moderation of things that earn more restrictive ratings, and the result has again come full circle and become almost immature. Maturity can be defined just as often by the presence of restraint as by the lack; there's a reason that when we get older, we learn to use the shitter, to wipe our asses, and to not talk about those things all the time! In Williamsstreet's mindset, Brak suddenly is wearing a diaper for no reason, Zorak is suddenly mentioning sex for no reason, Shake is suddenly mentioning drugs for no reason, other than so they can slap a higher rating on the show and claim it's "adult." That is the stupidest possible way to convince me of maturity. It's like some idiot buying himself a litterbox and dumping buckets of his own shit into it just so he can claim to his friends, "Look guys; I'm a cat lover!" Whereas truly mature people will think about the implications of how things that aren't appropriate for children got there in the first place, Williamsstreet never does; it just puts shit in to attract the flies that they insultingly presume adults to be.

As of now, such attempts no longer are merely an idiot's perception of adulthood; they are now the very quintessence of gratuity, and they've spilled even into the more decent attempts on Adult Swim. I used to love Robot Chicken; my info still lists it as one of my favorites (really, I need to change that), but now it's becoming as insulting as the rest of them. It makes me sick to see Seth and Matt brutally murder people at the start and end of every season, claiming of us, "They love the violence!" Perhaps they intended it as satire, but with more and more sketches becoming little more than brutal violence, I doubt it; I think they believe we laugh at the very presence of violence. I hope I speak for more people when I declare I most certainly don't. Once a show that paid almost loving tribute to old franchises in its mockeries, Robot Chicken now seems to be a hatefully homicidal monster intent on blemishing good memories.

The very concept of humor is becoming a dying one as more and more things that just aren't funny get thrown into the mix. Fuck you for doing this, Williamsstreet; stop spewing out shit shows and take a good hard look at who we really are and who you really are. A show doesn't have to assault a viewer's intelligence just because it's a cartoon, nor does it have to use every bit of un-kiddy content just because it's intended for adults. Shit is shit, no matter where you stick it.

Special Thanks to Marzgurl and Lindsay Ellis of thatguywiththeglasses.com, whose videos helped drive the point home.

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Stolen from

Centaur:
[x] You are rather wild, and let your instincts run you.
[ ] You get drunk a lot. (I love liquor, but I hate vommiting, so I only drink in moderation.)
[] Bravery and boldness is second nature to you.
[x] You have a deep love for astronomy and the universe.
[ ] You like to read your daily horoscope.
[x] You have a high level of pride in yourself. (I deserve every bit of it!)
[ ] In the woods is the best place for you to be.
[] You are spiritual.
[ ] The horse is your favorite animal.
[] You are possessive and territorial.
Total: 3


Elf:
[ ] Your ears are slightly pointed at the tips (be honest).
[x] You are very intelligent.
[ ] Your five senses are extremely keen.
[x ] Your weight is quite a bit lighter than the average person at your particular height.
[] You always wear elegant clothes and speak as politely as possible.
[] You are most at peace when you are gazing at something beautiful, like nature. (No; I attain peave by complaining about all that is ill in the world.)
[ ] You look very young for your age.
[] You rarely get sick.
[] You are a very hard worker.
[ ] Above all other superpowers, you would love to read minds or see the future.
Total: 2

Fairy:
[] You are happy a lot of the time.
[ ] The best superpower to you would be to fly.
[ ] You are very shy.
[] You love the forest and plant life in general.
[] You are always willing to help others, even if you might not be the best to offer aid.
[ ] You are young and short.
[ ] Dancing is one of your favorite pastimes.
[x] If someone ticks you off, you are very clever with getting them back.
[x ] Your clothing isn't always presentable, but you are comfortable with what you wear. (The only exception is when my pants sag--I have a wasp-waist and a nearly-destroyed belt)
[ ] Circles are a wonderful symbol of unity to you.
Total: 2

Gnome/Dwarf:
[] You are excellent with crafts and handiwork.
[x ] In social situations, you tend to be a little awkward.
[ ] You are short for your age.
[ ] You are an isolationist.
[ x] You love to play practical jokes on people.
[] You are extremely fascinated with jewelry.
[] You look older than your age.
[ ] You love the woods and the mountains.
[ ] You are well off, or come from a family that is well off.
[x ] You have a short temper.
Total: 3

Harpy/Siren:
[x ] You are best at talking bad about people behind their backs and not to their face.
[x] When you are annoyed, you will go to a great extent to torment whomever did so to you.
[ ] You often take things that aren't yours.
[x ] You are easily angered.
[ ] Death fascinates you.
[ ] You are female, or a feminine-looking man.
[ ] You associate yourself with the wind element.
[x] You can switch quickly between your light and dark side.
[x] You love to trick others.
[ x] You have a ravenous appetite.
Total: 6


Mermaid:
[] You love the beach moreso because of the water than the shore itself.
[] Fish are some of the most beautiful creatures to you.
[ ] The ultimate superpower to you would be to breathe underwater.
[ ] You enjoy looking at ships, but not riding them, as well as you like ships for traveling, not hunting in the sea.
[] You are good at swimming.
[x] You like to collect shells.
[] You use sea items as jewelry or decoration.
[x] You enjoy learning about the ocean and the life inside it.
[x] You are extremely against ocean pollution, and someday, perhaps (if you haven't already), you will work to stop that.
[ ] Legs on land are not as important as a fin in the sea.
Total: 3

Vampire:
[x] You're a night person.
[ x] You have a fascination with blood.
[ ] You are extremely pale.
[x ] You wish you had a bat as a pet. (Bats are some of the cutest animals in the world, in my opinion!)
[x ] You are not religious at all.
[] Tight spaces are not scary or uncomfortable for you. (I got stuck in a drawer as a kid and nearly suffocated, so I wouldn’t say that!)
[x ] The sun's glare annoys you all too often. (Damn right it does!)
[] You hate food with lots of garlic in it.
[ ] To you, a kiss on the neck is more romantic than a kiss on the cheek or lips.
[ ] You don't like sharp objects near you.
Total: 5


Werewolf:
[] The full moon is the most beautiful scene to you.
[] You have a lot of body hair.
[x ] The ability to shapeshift is the best superpower to you. (Yes. I’d love to turn into an animal!)
[ ] You prefer gold over silver items.
[x ] You lack self control.
[] You find it easier to have sympathy for animals than for humans.
[x] You have a deep respect for wolves and wild dogs.
[x] You like to be alone.
[x] You have a terrible secret and you only tell people you trust 100% about it.
[ ] You'd rather be outdoors than indoors.
Total: 5

Wizard/Witch (Hey; wait! Now we’re going from races to classes! Oh well!):
[] You love chemistry.
[ ] You are intuitive and good at analyzing people, to the point that people seriously or jokingly say you're psychic.
[] The most amazing supernatural power to you is controlling the elements.
[] You are a nature lover.
[] You have a strong sense of responsibility
[x] You spend a lot of time alone.
[x] You usually hang around with a certain animal all the time when you feel lonely.
[ ] You are spiritual, but not necessarily religious.
[] Cooking is one of your favorite things to do.
[ ] You enjoy learning about Wicca and the occult.
Total: 2

Zombie:
[] You are pale
[x] You are hungry a lot.
[x] Many activities you do every day make you feel mindless, or like a drone.
[] Most of the time you or a part of you is cold.
[x] You love to eat meat.
[x] You would resort to cannibalism if that was the only source of food. (Not gonna lie. If it came down to it; I’d eat those people who deserved it instead of innocent dogs and cats. Big if, but still.)
[x] You make grunts and moans a lot (Yes, because I have trouble breathing!)
[] You enjoy learning about psychology because you study the brain.
[x] You usually walk slowly.
[] You 're not afraid of seeing a lot of blood or getting a lot of blood on yourself.
Total: 6

Satyr/Faun:
[x] You are very passionate about the things you like.
[ x] You like to get drunk and dance.
[ ] You're very amourous.
[x] You like art and music.
[] You enjoy feasting with friends.
[x] You love nature but more for the animals then the trees and plants.
[ ] You like getting rowdy and having a good time.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[x] You love the chase almost as much as the capture.
[ ] You wish you had horns.
Total: 6

Results: Tie between Harpy/Siren, Satyr, and Zombie. Is it possible to be an urban satyr, a civilized zombie, or a male Harpy? I just don't know!

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Today marks the aniversary of one of the worst April Fools jokes I have ever been beaten with! I am speaking of course, of the time Deviantart changed our icons to reference the assisnine Mudkip meme. It could have been a rare funny prank, a rare April Fools joke whose perpetrator I wasn't ready to decapitate, stick his head on the end of a flail, and use it smash other shit in a riot. Unofortunately, rather than doing something funny, like maybe changing the icons to reference "Life at the Outpost," they insisted upon using the least funny meme that ever existed. So I just thought I'd get that off my chest. I was really dreading what I'd find when I came on here.

Now I gotta give my fuck offs! Fuck you to Mudkip, fuck the stupid nerd who made that stupid video, fuck you Internet nerds for ruining humor with your stupid meme obsession, fuck you to whatever sadistic cocksucker invented April Fucking Fools Day, fuck you to anybody anywhere who insists on continuing the tradition of getting people happy and then bursting their bubble, fuck you to the increasing number of people who think simply switching the whole audio of a video for the whole audio of another video, or reversing or stalling the footage, is funny, fuck University, and FUCK YOU DEVIANTART!!!! DOUBLE FUCK YOU!

Oh, and also fuck whoever didn't make a "2Pacplz" account; I would have really liked to put that at the beginning of my fuck offs!

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Tragedy struck this January. After a long, excruciatingly painful battle with, well, we're not even sure, Bahmo's computer finally passed away. Bahmo and his grease monkey did everything they could to save him, but in the end, he was on his way out. Perhaps surgery can still save him, but we don't know for how long, and it may be that he will only be suffering. Perhaps the best thing to do is let him die, peacefully, after transferring files to a new computer. Either way, however, the ordeal will be very expensive.

So, if you couldn't get my darkly comical intro, the gist is that the last time my desktop PC fucked up, it fucked up very badly. The most basic functions have become difficult, with freezing and crashing ocurring during the most basic of functions. For me, now that I am going to a University and have no way to make a bunch more money while doing so, it has been a terrible loss. The thing that my whole life centered around is now absent, and the craptop I am using will not suffice. I was, for example, on the staff to make a Civilization IV mod, and my work was good. I persevered through it despite countless obstacles, and now, it is complete. Yet I regret that I may never come to see my creation come to life, as my laptoc cannot suffice. So it is with most other games, as well.

I'm not demanding anything. I understand many other people may be struggling, as well. However, if you sympathize with me, here, as another computer-obsessed nerd, I would appreciate it if you helped me repair or replace my old clanker by buying some of my prints. I have a large amount of available prints on sale, from all sorts of subjects, and they are in a wide range of sizes, so you don't have to pay any more for them than you want to pay. It will pay for the computer faster, of course, if you spend more money, but do whatever you like, and if it just comes to the common passerby throwing in a few bucks for a small one, all the time, that will also work. Please, if you are interested, take a glance at my gallery and see if it contains anything you fancy.

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Perhaps you have seen my earlier essay, in which I railed against the sad state of American culture in the 2000s (or the Zeroes, as I like to call them). However, that essay declined to mention the presidency of George W. Bush, which, in many ways, was a great symbol of the sorry state of America in this decade. Make no mistake; Bush alone does not characterize the Zeroes. If I thought he did, I would have surely mentioned him in my past essay attacking this culture. However, while many things in the Zeroes were bad to begin with, this presidency has the elitist distinction of taking what could have been a positive set of events, and turning them into policies that were to the detriment of America in many ways. However, let us start at the beginning.

Coming into High School in the 2000, I was not very political. I heard what my parents thought, and no more. Sometimes I disagreed with what they thought; most often I didn’t care. I regarded government, not surprisingly, as a distant body in which I was too young to vote. I knew older people argued about it, but I didn’t care. I felt it didn’t affect me. I was in for a rude awakening.

My upbringing, as I stated, was not greatly-political. However, I was a curious boy, and I was to delve into a number of things to which politics had a great deal more relevancy than I initially assumed. As I began to read books voraciously, pursue interests, and become acquainted with my surroundings, a number of things became clear to me, listed in the following paragraphs.

First: That I detested where I lived. I don’t think I’m being overly-self-deprecating when I declare that I am a finicky person when it comes to diversion. Longtime readers undoubtedly are aware that I do not receive any social-stimulus in-and-of-itself. Spending times with others is not enjoyable for me, unless it is around an activity I like to begin with. Thus, growing up in a rural community offered me little in the way of nearby activities. All of my enjoyment depended upon me driving into town to go to the mall, the arcade, the library, the bookstore, and other facilities that did not exist close to home.

Second: I detested repressive religion. I have always prided myself on growing up as a boy who sought scientific enlightenment; I used to love reading about dinosaurs, animals, the planets, and such. I prided myself on the fact that I sought pleasure whenever it sought me and clearly did not hurt others. I prided myself on a worldview that held that there was no right or wrong doctrine, and that all people ought to be welcomed. Finally, I prided myself on growing up in a country founded upon such enlightenment ideals.

Before I refer back to the first point, let me continue upon the second. While I was brought up a Christian, my experience with religion in many people I met was utterly disgusting. Seeing people brought up under religious doctrines that held that science was a lie, and that pleasure was a sin, effectively depriving them of the fruits of liberty that America’s founders entitled them to have, was disheartening to me. I found such oppressive religious thought disgusting as it was, but things grew worse as it gained momentum. Such repulsive thinking has always been lurking in America (See Salem), but it really had its current revival in the 1980s, along with the idea of unrestricted market economics. The 1980s were definitely a reactionary decade, not just against the liberal politics of prior decades, but also against the perceived threat of the Soviet Union. Once the view of the Soviets as America’s enemies was in-grown enough, it became fashionable to produce a collective identity for America that was antithetical to theirs. Hence, Reaganomics and the new Religious Right arose as the new model of American identity. What I think people like Ronald Reagan ignored, is that the original American reaction to communism was not derived primarily from its opposition to religion or capitalism, but its opposition to democracy. Indeed, attacks on organized religion and aristocracy are far from simply being the exclusive realm of communist thinkers. Such attacks also have a long history of originating from the men who conceived of modern democracy as practiced in the United States and other countries. So by reviving such things as the Religious Right, Reagan-era America effectively dealt a blow to the fortitude of healthy democracy. The red menace fell, but the egotism that held that America was the world’s bastion of Christian theocracy, and that any form of economic regulation on behalf of the average man was the realm of Stalinism, remained in America, and began to pollute its thought.

Now, I naturally didn’t think this extensively about things as a 9th-Grader. The problems of repressive religion, and of needing to travel out of my shithole community to get any enjoyment out of life, were annoying, but I saw them as social. They certainly weren’t political in my mind. I didn’t see government as part of the problem, nor of the solution. It was, in my opinion, irrelevant. Then, 9/11 happened.

What was my reaction? Initially, as with everyone else, it was naturally one of pity for the victims, and anger towards the perpetrators. As America, and the world, began to respond, however, (and here I somewhat repeat past statements) the feeling that overcame me was one of righteousness and heroism. The initial days and years that followed displayed an optimistic drive of people coming together in sympathy towards the cause of apprehending those responsible. All sorts of businesses and organizations ran charities to help their fellow countrymen.

More importantly, on the global scale, it seemed to be a moment of great enlightenment and tolerance, compared to what I had seen. America phoned Britain on television, and to the surprise of many viewers, the Buckingham Palace guards were singing The Star Spangled Banner for what was probably the first time in their life. They phoned France, a typical rival of the United States since World War I, and their president was no-less sympathetic to the victims of the bombing. Bush even flew to meet with the leaders of Russia and China, former enemies of the United States in the Cold War, and they reached a good deal of common ground on what to do in this dire hour. The subtext of all these international events appeared to me to symbolize two critical things. First, that Al Qaeda’s actions proved that narrow-minded fundamentalist thinking could no longer be seen as a friendly championing of American patriotism and democracy, and secondly, that America was now instead looking upon the diverse peoples of the world in order to help combat the conservative religious menace that now threatened world peace. Essentially, it felt as though the new War on Terror would effectively remedy the parochial, egotistical thinking that had arisen out of Cold War paranoia.

For a few magical moments, such perceptions of the new situation seemed to be confirmed. Coalition forces moved to depose the heinous Taliban regime in Afghanistan. Americans were united and helpful to one another. The sweep to victory had us all cheering. Even as all seemed well, however, some things emerged in the national psyche that felt troublesome.

In the first case, I have not taken kindly to the vague term, “terrorism.” It has no content whatsoever in terms of describing the actual ideology of one’s enemy, or why he is a threat. The history of American policy is not free from it; it can be argued that the Boston Tea party, as well as General Sherman’s destruction of railroads, were terrorism. In terms of putting my finger more firmly upon exactly who our enemies were, I quote a dairy entry I made in response to the attack: “Some Islamic fuck kamikazed the World Trade Center!” I make no claim of this being an articulate statement; indeed, I made it as a fourteen-year-old boy who was not exactly a good student. However, in my small, angry statement, I still gave more attention to the fact that our new enemies were of a religious ideology than did most press statements made at the government level.

Simultaneously, the local religious fundamentalist loudmouths elevated their trumpeting about their alleged connection to American patriotism. “God Bless America” became the motto of the new nationalism, not any more classical view of how America exemplified freedom or diversity. A particularly annoying radio broadcast, on which I have written an essay on DeviantArt, discussed a controversy regarding whether The Star Spangled Banner ought to be avoided in favor of adopting the saying’s namesake song by Irving Berlin as America’s alternate national anthem. The source of the controversy was the lyric, “the bombs bursting in air,” which critics argued evoked the 9/11 attacks too much. Fortunately, callers were quick to point out that what a nation does in the face of adversity is a much greater display of its integrity than simply avoiding thinking about the adversity, so this makes the phrase arguably positive, whether it refers to the War of 1812 or to the 9/11 attacks. I share this viewpoint, but I was personally more-jaded that they were proposing replacing a song about freedom and heroic nationalism, with one that held the country to have special divine status.

So here lies my first irritation with the Bush administration. 9/11 should have given America the clue that religious fundamentalism was not healthy towards democracy, and that we should join much of the world’s population in countering it. Instead, the Administration further theocratized America and its sense of national identity, seemingly-unaware of the irony that they were fighting theocrats. Cold War reactions seemed understandable. “God” was original added to the Pledge of Allegiance, for example, in order to separate America from Godless communism. Now, America broke the trend in the new war by only growing similar to its enemies, in defiance of my expectations. Lest anybody think that the Religious Right in America does not go as far as Osama Bin Laden, I argue that it certainly helps that they have a secular constitution to contend with, but their statements nonetheless show ambition. There are records of members of the American Religious Right saying that America deserved the 9/11 attacks as punishment for its secularity, and even conservative programs like The O Reilly Factor have illuminated cases of religious protesters mocking the funerals of US troops who were killed in the Middle East.

Naturally, it gets more unnerving when one considers that the Christian Right also stood behind Bush’s election. Bush, meanwhile, as he touts his own religiosity, has yet to bag Osama Bin Laden. The US-friendly government in Afghanistan is largely limited to Kabul, and the Taliban have made grabs again elsewhere.

So here is my second gripe, the war in Iraq. I never ceased to support the war in Afghanistan, so I remained neutral on whether to go to war in Iraq. In retrospect, it has been a fucking mess, and blight on the US economy, not to mention lives. Recall that I said that my community was a bore, and that all of what I enjoyed required driving into town. That was an annoyance on its own, so imagine how fucking annoying it became when gas prices rose. Imagine someone who likes to go shopping, and finds his wallet empty by the time he arrives at the mall. While all of that venting may seem to have only my self-interest in mind, it is inarguable that America’s market economy demands the collective pursuit of self-interest. Predictably, oil prices have had a greater effect on America’s economy than any other factor, because our economy has been built upon the assumption of automobile ownership. We have evolved suburban dwellings that are miles from business districts, which was not an inconvenience so long as we had cars and could drive to the market with no skin off our nose. Once gas prices rose, it was inevitable that all businesses would suffer.

A necessary evil, no matter how bad it is for the economy? A means to the end of keeping the world safe? That has been argued, but the new Iraq quagmire was an avoidable situation. This, again, has been a blunder of the Bush campaign based on a number of key oversights. I postulate that perhaps Bush’s faith in such things as religion and democracy (and religious participants in democracy) is simply too great to understand what monsters they can create. I must certainly acknowledge Saddam Hussein was a tyrannical monster, but it seems he has been just one of many produced by his backwards country. With the new US-supported regime in power in Iraq, citizens on the one hand have turned to civil war, and on the other, elected theocratic representatives to parliament once the US allowed free elections. It seems that anarchy and tyranny have many key similarities, the most important of which is that both allow humanity’s basest impulses free-reign, at the expense of whoever gets in their way; the only difference is that tyranny features only one impulsive bully. It may be a politically incorrect statement, but some of the world can’t handle democracy at the moment. Some of the world’s people are just going to elect another Saddam if they ever are given a choice, and as to granting freedom to people who aren’t shy about saying they want to kill other people, to put that into perspective, would you ever do that in your own country?! No, you lock the assholes up and shoot them if they continue to resist the law in public.

So while I am ashamed to make this boast, put me in Bush’s position, and I believe I could have invaded Iraq in a way that would lower the global price of oil. I’d accomplish this by declining to replace Saddam with a democratic assembly; as I said, you don’t give freedom to murderers. Instead, I’d put a Kemal-esque secular, pro-American dictator in power, a man who would shoot any religious cleric who expressed sympathy towards Islamic terrorism, thus preventing the chance any such tyrannical worldview would ever rise to political power in his country again. With such a strongman in power, Iraq would modernize. Like Turkey, whose citizens now stage mass-protests when theocratic politicians aspire to power, the march towards modernism would engender in people the values eventually beneficial towards a healthy democracy, and the economy would remain stable and healthy, with the effects of both keeping its citizens well-served, and preventing them from feeling the need to resort to radicalism, and retaining its ability to compete in the global markets, affording cheap goods to people everywhere.

In fact, give us one or two of that sort of allied nations in the Middle East, and I believe we would have caught Osama by now. How are we sure, on the other hand, that we can trust the Saudis to ally with US interests? It is a very well-known fact that Osama, as well as many of his troops, are Saudis, and that the Saudi government itself is fundamentalist and corrupt. Osama has plenty relatives lounging around there as we speak, so why is the government guessing at things in Iraq while they let that shit boil right under their noses?

Again, what should have been one of the most noble, righteous, and victorious campaigns in American history has, in fact, exploded into a fiasco of incompetence, hypocrisy, and misdirection. As I type this, it may sound like I, myself, am running for president, and it is my dream to do so, but I am 23 years old at the moment. The real point of this essay was that last eight years have been an obnoxious, painful ride, and I certainly am glad they’re almost over.

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